Jay Smooth from ill Doctrine at TEDx

Since it was posted three years ago, I've shared and talked about Jay Smooth's "How To Tell People They Sound Racist" video with others many times. (His core suggestion is to shift from "you're racist!" to "what you said was racist," which is much more conducive to discussion and growth.)

Last month, he expanded on his thesis in a TEDx talk titled "How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Discussing Race." It's 11 minutes of funny and smart ideas about how to talk about race in ways that enrich rather than polarize.

My favorite parts:

The first thing is that anytime we’re dealing with race issues, we are dealing with a social construct that was not born out of any science or reason or logic, we are grappling with a social construct that was not designed to make sense. And to the extent that it is the product of design, the race constructs that we live in in America were shaped specifically by a desire to avoid making sense. They were shaped for centuries by a need to rationalize and justify indefensible acts.

So when we grapple with race issues, we’re grappling with something that was designed for centuries to make us circumvent our best instincts. It’s a dance partner that’s designed to trip us up. So just based on that alone we should be able to keep in mind that you will never bat a thousand when it comes to dealing with race issues.

and

And in general I think we need to move away from the premise that being a good person is a fixed, immutable characteristic, and shift towards seeing being good as a practice, and it is a practice that we carry out by engaging with our imperfections. We need to shift from, we need to shift toward thinking of being a good person the same way we think of being a clean person. Being a clean person is something that you maintain and work on every day. We don’t assume that I’m a clean person therefore I don’t need to brush my teeth. And when someone suggests to us that we’ve got something stuck in our teeth, we don’t say “Wh-what do you mean? I have something stuck in my teeth? I’m a clean person! Why would you--” [Audience laughter]

So I know that this is no small task, but if we could shift a little bit closer, toward viewing these race conversations the same way we view a conversation about something stuck in our teeth, it would go a long way toward making our conversations a bit smoother and allow us to work together on bigger issues around race.

Why Pink Matters

My family is probably tired of me complaining about how gendered baby clothes are, and harping on how I want to dress my son in all kinds of clothes, not just blue ones that have some sort of sports paraphenalia on them. Sometimes, it might seem like I'm just being stubborn, but this post from Liz Rose-Cohen speaks to the heart of why I stand so firm on this.

My favorite parts:

When I picked him up that afternoon a little boy asked me if Moon Boy is a girl or a boy.
          “A boy,” I said. “Are you asking because he's wearing pink sandals?”
          “Yes,” said the child. “Why is he wearing pink sandals?”
          “Because I want to,” Moon Boy said, with the same happiness.
          “Oh,” said the boy. “I like to play with my sister's wand.”
          And that’s when I realized why my son wears pink shoes.  He doesn’t wear pink shoes because he’s gay.  He wears pink shoes because your son might be gay.  My son is making room for yours.  Right?  I mean, my son has two moms whether he wants to or not.  (And he’s black, and Jewish, and adopted.)  He cannot disguise these things.  Room or not.  But your son, your son can blend.  If there’s no room, then fine.  He can wear his hunter green, his navy blue, his burgundy.  He can slide under the radar for a while, but then sooner or later he’s going to need the room.  Because he’s going to stick out.  And it’s my son who will be there, making that room.

and

...I hear it in on the playground, around the neighborhood, in the hallway at school.  “I’ve got boxes of clothes waiting for you,” one mom says to another.  “I hope your baby’s a girl ‘cause I’ve got so many sweet things I could never put on my son.”   And it’s hard to imagine how we can hold these things in our brains at the same time. How we can be sticking like crazy to these arbitrary gender rules, even for infants, and then saying we’re committed to ending anti-gay-bullying in schools. Because that’s what anti-gay bullying is: picking on kids who cross the lines. And who are the first people to draw those lines? Who are the first to tell our sons they can’t wear pink? To insinuate that no boy should wear pink? We are. Even before they are born. Listen carefully while I say that again: we start training our kids to bully their gay peers even before they are born.

It matters. Yes, something as simple as boys wearing pink.

World Breastfeeding Week

Happy World Breastfeeding Week! This celebration aims to raise awareness and understanding about the benefits of breastfeeding around the world.

Did you know that the World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding through six months, and continued breastfeeding through at least two years (and beyond)? Globally, less than 40% of infants younger than 6 months are exclusively breastfed.

When I was pregnant, I was 99% focused on giving birth. I knew I'd breastfeed my baby but hadn't given much thought to the mechanics of it. I suppose there's something to be said about overthinking things, because birth went exactly the opposite of how I thought it would, and breastfeeding, which I hadn't thought twice about, has run brilliantly from the moment I met my little one.

I'm astonished by how satisfying I find this nursing relationship. I love cuddling while he nurses to sleep, his legs curled up warm against my belly and his palm flat against my heart. I love that my humble body provides so much comfort and nutrition to this little human being. I am totally in love with this process.

~ ~ ~

Now. Yesterday, I read this post from The Crunk Feminist Collective (and its insightful commenters). I found it challenging and fascinating. One of the basic questions that evolves in the comments is: Is breastfeeding a personal choice? And what factors go into that choice, if so? (My favorite comments are from bfp and Meredith.) I offer that link as a counterpoint to my love affair with nursing, and the various levels of privilege that allow me to breastfeed my baby on demand and take advantage of the many resources that support breastfeeding.

You may not know who the heck I am

So do it.

A Reader's Ideal State

"My ideal state as a reader when I'm reading other people is feeling I'm vaguely wasting my time when I'm not reading that novel."

--Ian McEwan