Recipe for Green Smoothie in 26 Easy Steps

Ingredients:

5 cubes of honeydew melon

About 2 inches of cucumber, peeled

1 orange, peeled and halved

1 apple, seeds removed and quartered  sliced

Handful of spinach

4 slices of frozen peaches

1 cup almond milk

One Jennifer, mostly awake

One Chris

One 11-month-old baby

One nosy, bull-headed, large dog (preferably doberman/pit/rottweiler mix)

One G-shock watch

Prep time: 45 minutes.

Directions:

1. Holding the baby, pull the ingredients out of the fridge. Be sure to squat instead of bend over to keep baby from falling out of your arms and to get a little boost in your core.

2. Stepping around the sniffing dog, set all food ingredients on counter for Chris to make smoothie.

3. Pull paring knife from drawer with mostly-awake hands.

4. Drop knife onto wood floor. Important: react quickly and jump out of the way as it clatters to the floor, hitting nothing but the wood. Thank your lucky stars that the baby is in your arms and the dog was out of the way.

5. Squat again to pick up the knife. Put knife on cutting block and walk away.

6. Chris should now start to make the smoothie. Cut into the cucumber and notice that there is the tiny metal point of the knife is missing.

7. Check the bottom of all feet (except the baby's).

8. Run super-strong magnet over the floor, including the crunchy under-counter corners. Come up with only food crumbs. Chris and baby should now retreat to the baby-proofed part of the house.

10. Put dog in his crate. Ignore his whining and yelping while you sweep carefully the entire kitchen and eating area. Once swept, use wet mop over the same floor area. Notice that the wet mop's scent is called "Open Window Scent" in English, and "Parfum GRAND Air" in French.

11. Finish cleaning the floor. Chris should set baby down in living room to do another sweep.

12. Jennifer should put ingredients into blender in the order listed above.

13. Baby should find dog's water bowl, tip it over, and splash happily in the water. Baby should not finish until his lower half is entirely soaked and he is grinning and clapping his hands.

14. Chris should clean up the water, undress and re-clothe the baby, who should screech in protest.

15. Jennifer should finish putting ingredients into blender, but wait to start blender until baby is reclothed and in arms, because the sound scares him.

16. In the meantime, Jennifer should wash the rice maker bowl soaking in the sink from last night and put away dishes in the drying rack.

17. Dog should settle and accept his crated state.

18. Once baby is in arms, run blender. Notice that, despite it being a fancy super-blender, the apple quarters are sticking in the blade and not blending.

19. Use blender wand to push apple chunks into the blades. Keep using the wand. Turn off blender, remove from base, shake to loosen. Add more almond milk. Blend again.

20. Notice that smoothie is getting warm and frothy because of blade action. Add more frozen peach slices.

21. Apple chunks should now loosen and blend.

22. Once mostly smooth, pour into two glasses.

23. Hear plop in the bathroom. Parents, wonder if you engaged the childproof lock on the toilet the last time you used it. Realize that you probably didn't. Rush in and find Chris's G-shock watch (waterproof!) in the toilet. Thank your lucky stars that you did not let it mellow last time the toilet was used.

24. Take picture of first item dropped in toilet.

25. Remove and clean watch with hot water and soap. Wash baby's hands. Wash your hands.

26. At last, put baby in highchair, feed rice crackers and salmon. Parents, drink now-lukewarm smoothies.

Serves 4.

Sending best wishes to Arfa Karim Randhawa

I just learned that Arfa Karim Randhawa, an extraordinary teenager and computer prodigy from Pakistan, had an epileptic seizure and cardiac arrest several weeks ago and is currently in intensive care.

I had the privilege of interviewing her in 2005 and was inspired by her kindness, enthusiasm, and confidence. I'm so sad to hear this news, and am sending prayers and good thoughts to her, her family, and the doctors who are caring for her. May her healing be quick, simple, and complete.

Update 1/20/12: I have been away from the news for a few days and just heard the news that Arfa passed away on the 14th at the age of 16. The world lost a great light when it lost Arfa. My deepest condolences to her family and friends.

Beyoncé and birth

My Facebook feed today is dotted with outrage over Beyoncé renting a full hospital floor for $1.6 million to give birth. (Note that most people complain about Beyoncé alone, tripping right into the most stereotypical oversight about birth -- that it's all the woman's responsibility and fault.)

The conversation threads begin by decrying conspicuous consumption, but most of them dissolve into sexist name calling, which is also telling. Is it that people are upset at unequal distribution of wealth? Or are they pissed off that a powerful black woman has so much of it?

My take is certainly influenced by a recent woman in labor myself. I imagine that their decision has less to do with flaunting wealth than it does with safety and the dangers that come with celebrity and fame. If I were Beyoncé, I wouldn't have felt safe laboring as if I were a non-celebrity in a regular hospital ward. People do crazy shit around laboring women and famous people, so being both at the same time would just invite all kinds of madness.

Another telling thing - and this is speculation, because I know nothing about their medical needs - is that they didn't just do a home birth to begin with. Hospital birth is so normalized in this country that even wealthy celebrities with access to most any birthing choice in the world STILL chose a hospital birth, likely because they believed that it was the safest option.

Happy Winter Solstice

To the returning light!

To the dance away from and toward the sun!

To the richness of the longest night, and all that keeps us warm within it!

I've had this verse in my head all day. Here it is, with our first solstice spiral. (Thanks, SG Suzi, for the inspiration.)

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

it will not be simple

Either on the first or last day of our freshman year directing class, our teacher, the inimitable Jim Peck, gave us all a copy of this poem by Adrienne Rich. I think that was the first time I read her words -- the beginning of a deep literary love.

In the years since, this poem has lain gently over several not simple, not long experiences, like a silk cloth over tables of lacquered wood, cold steel, fingerprinted glass.

In the ninth month of my first year of being a mother, I reach into a drawer and touch the rich words of this poem again. I close my eyes with gratitude for their familiar comfort.

These words apply to anything worth doing fully. Directing, writing, loving, mothering. All of it.

Final Notations

Adrienne Rich

it will not be simple, it will not be long
it will take little time, it will take all your thought
it will take all your heart, it will take all your breath
it will be short, it will not be simple

it will touch through your ribs, it will take all your heart
it will not be long, it will occupy your thought
as a city is occupied, as a bed is occupied
it will take all your flesh, it will not be simple

You are coming into us who cannot withstand you
you are coming into us who never wanted to withstand you
you are taking parts of us into places never planned
you are going far away with pieces of our lives

it will be short, it will take all your breath
it will not be simple, it will become your will